We now come to the part of our tour where each coast diverges into its own unique little niche. Florida, by virtue of its large collection of Confederate flags, inability to efficiently count election results, and its heritage as the birthplace of “Making Fun of Natives By Uppity European Explorers Searching for Magic Life Potion,” […]
Pirates of the Caribbean
Goofy and the Pirate King
Happy 2013! My New Year’s Resolution is to finally write some serious, relevant, thought-provoking posts, and stop monkeying around with silly stuff. Having said that, when looking at my Alien Encounter toys yesterday, I found another item from Disney’s defunct line of die-cast attraction vehicles. I was so fascinated by it, I had to write […]
The Key to Jack Sparrow
Among theme park attractions, there are a few special experiences that elevate themselves above the rest into the realm of artistic masterpiece. Pirates, Mansion, Small World, Gadget’s Go-Coaster… These modern classics are considered to be the very highest class of attraction. And if art has taught us anything, it’s that a classic work can always […]
Imagine the Possibilities
Everyone has a favorite scene in Pirates of the Caribbean. For 95% of the theme park public, this scene is either Johnny Depp hiding in a barrel or Johnny Depp fondling a dressmaker mannequin. The remaining 5% have a modicum of good taste. We know the classic iconography. The dog with the keys, the wench […]
Walt Disney World Quest Magical Racing Tour (2000)
It’s been a long time since we had an entry in our series of park-based video games. And as you no doubt have noticed, the world financial markets are reacting to this oversight. Unemployment figures have risen sharply, and America’s students are now verifiably stupider than they were before. So, here to set everything right, […]
Adventureland Oddities
With Teevtee off galavanting through famed naturalist John Muir’s back yard, I figured I should probably get off my lazy butt and post something good here. But instead I went to Magic Kingdom. It was a nice stroll through the park near sunset, which is probably my favorite time of day to visit (my second […]
10 Coolest Things Animatronics Have Ever Done
Audio Animatronics have evolved a lot since their debut as multicultural stereotypes. Jose, Michael, Pierre, and Fritz were pretty darn cool. They could move. They could talk. They could do both at the same time (something Al Gore never learned). But even Isaac Asimov couldn’t imagine what they’d do next. Answer: Activate Skynet. We’re a […]
Mickey no Tokyo Disneyland Daibouken
Our spellchecker is not broken. The headline is Japanese, and it translates roughly to “Mickey’s Adventure in Tokyo Disneyland.” (I’ll let you clever folks figure out which Japanese word means “Adventure”). Up until about a month ago, I never knew Mickey had adventures in Tokyo Disneyland. I just sort of assumed he sat in the […]
Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (1990)
If you grew up the 80s and didn’t own or want to own an NES, then either you spent your early years living in a bomb shelter with your paranoid parents, or you were a girl. And that’s not even true, because girls at least love Tetris, and the NES is so awesome you […]
