If you need some information about Walt Disney World, all you have to do is pick up the phone and call Guest Relations.  If you want your information to actually be accurate, go to Deb Wills.  And for some of you, all the information you ever need is stored in your head, including the latest prices for Artist Point, the current character sets for Pixie Hollow, and the exact year that the “Jungle Book” soundtrack album was released.  You know who you are.  Seek help.

But for me, none of those options are good enough.  If I want timely Walt Disney World info delivered in a professional manner with a friendly smile, I call Captain Nemo.

“Gentlemen, I’d like to propose a toast to the good Captain, for his excellent advice on the Disney Dining Plan.”

They say every business and blogger should have a niche.  This applies to nuclear submarine captains also.  Some of them are good at battle, some are good at exploration.  Captain Nemo is decent at all those things too, but he really excels at Walt Disney World factoids and directions.

When Chuck Norris needs advice, he asks Jeeves.  And Jeeves asks Captain Nemo.

He had his own little stand right across from the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea lagoon, and it was really called “Nemo’s Niche.”  The building is still there:  A small round kiosk right next to Winnie the Pooh’s FastPass machines.  And with all the construction and facade work happening with the Fantasyland expansion, it may not be around for too much longer.

Nemo’s Niche, with secret elevator access to Mysterious Island.

The kiosk actually began life as a ticket booth, but when the Magic Kingdom switched to day passes, it became strictly an information station, and that’s when Nemo moved in and began dispensing valuable advice and instructions.

He also hawked camera film, camera straps, and camera bags, as well as sunscreen and the occasional rain poncho — all of which were manufactured from leftover giant squid parts.  Never has the world seen such a connoisseur of the photographic arts as Captain Nemo, nor received such sage advice delivered in a seaman’s brogue.

“No!  Gerber Baby Care Center is THAT way!”

When the subs closed, Nemo was infuriated and vowed never again to share any of his hard-earned Walt Disney World info.  Nemo’s Niche was shuttered, and lamely re-labeled as “Fantasyland Information.”  Fantasyland Information is of course an even more niche market than Walt Disney World information, but alas it mainly consists of knowing where all the stroller parking is.  We can’t blame Nemo.  As an eccentric sea captain, he’s entitled to do whatever he wants.

We’ve recently learned that Nemo is running a contest that will grant the winner a tour of Nemo’s Niche as well as a lifetime supply of Walt Disney World information.  All you need to do is find the golden ticket hidden inside one of five NemoBars worldwide.  Just don’t drink the Fizzy Lifting Drinks.  They taste fishy.

Not valid as part of Disney’s FastPass system.